It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
