I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
