Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize