I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
