I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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