So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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