My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
