I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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