Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
