Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
