help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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