He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As shirtless as possible
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
