I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
