I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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