You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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