I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
