Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
