so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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