youre lurking in front of me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
