drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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