This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
