I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
