There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
