I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
