He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
