and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
