Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize