marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
