dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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