CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
