It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
