I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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