I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
