Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
