so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize