I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
