her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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