My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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