Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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