God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
