you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
