I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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