Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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