I met the friendliest cop last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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