How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
