Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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