Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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