i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize