Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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