Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
