How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
