Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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