You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
