You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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