I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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