Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
