There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
