all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize