Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
