What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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