Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
