i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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