this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
