Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
