shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
