I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
