He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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