This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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