I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
