Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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