Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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