am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
