Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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