I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize