I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
