You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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