and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
