hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
