You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
