It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
